he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
