The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
