Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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