so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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