the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
