I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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