i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need a beard to bite.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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