Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
