my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
