i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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