What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
