When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
my liver is dry heaving
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
