I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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