Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize