How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
