whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
