I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
