I met the friendliest cop last night
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
