she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
