i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
it's great music for shaving your balls
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
