I bet he comes in French.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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