i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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