I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
