Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
