im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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