you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
