You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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