All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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