we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
