I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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