I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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