I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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