wrigley field is MILF paradise
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
