I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
