2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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