Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh god it's open bar.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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