Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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