I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Princesses don't give blow jobs
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
