Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
