you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
