Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
