fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
