Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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