and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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