I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
