Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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