No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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