Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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