how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
