he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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