if i can run in heels then i can drive
This girl is more easily done than said...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
