Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
