My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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