So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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