ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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