I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
