dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
