her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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