I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
