be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Farmville is her only friend.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize