Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
