hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
