fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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