my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
