So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just want to make out with him forever
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
