I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
