Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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