I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
