You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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