You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
