WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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